Surveys That Sprout From Out The Underground Atypical Network

Tests

Click on a link below to take one of the greatest tests of all time. But beware! These are not surveys, and therefore there are incorrect answers. You will be asked to supply your name, though, of course, no one will know it is you if you put "amoeba" or something.

First, a quiz of useless knowledge:

The Not-Ultimate Test of Knowledge/Uncommon Sense

Then, perhaps a quiz to see just how much you know about Sarah:

Doing Time

and possibly more to come. Enjoy! and dance hulahula

actually in viewing the preliminary results from the latter of these tests, I found people's answers to the very last question surprising. looking just at the first four test-takers, mind, but 4 of them (overwhelming majority) answered question 20: When might you expect to run into me, ten years from now? A. In the fox-ripping conservatory B. In an old-fasioned Disney movie C. In a swamp, catching alligators D. Outside your bedroom window, falling out of a tree with "D" when, in fact, i really would MUCH rather try and catch alligators. it's in my blood. Though i suppose i should be grateful, nobody thus far has taken me as a fox-ripper. and i have been known to fall out of trees, so i suppose there may be an element of truth to "D" (that's how I knocked out my tooth) but i am not really into looking in bedrooms. it seems sort of unnecessary. but thank you all who took my test! (there are actually 11 people who have taken the other one, but it is more comprehensive, i must say)

Interesting UAN Test

Le Test Interesante du UAN

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‘Time of day’ questions are optional and go towards a separate poll. Other answers go towards the UAN organization’s psychological statistics and are registered anonymously. If you include your name you are requesting personal results in comparison with other UAN patients. Thank you for your time.

Name:

Section I: Fill in the blanks (limit one word or short phrase)

If the sky is grey and the water is blue, the grass is _________________________.
If up is north and down is up, then left is _________________________________.
“Look but don’t touch” is a saying used only by ___________________________.
If the world imploded and you were informed ahead of time and allowed to board some futuristic craft and leave with one item of your choice, that item would be __________________________________________________________________.
Color is to shape as motion is to _______________________________________.
The most difficult thing in the world is__________________________________.
When it rains, you __________________________________________________.
War is ____________________________________________________________.

Exact time of day you finished with Section I: ________

Section II: Multiple Choice (circle one choice unless otherwise specified)

The strongest force is:
1. the force.
2. Love.
3. Money
4. peace
5. Music
6. Other
Do you like shoe polish?
1. for dinner
2. it does not generally engage my interest
3. yes
4. no
5. on Mondays
Are you afraid of the dark?
1. yes
2. sometimes
3. no
4. in unfamiliar places
5. not darkness, but impaired vision
Making up words when the right ones are not at hand is –
1. retarded
2. something I do often
3. slightly uneducated
4. poetry
5. Extract?
Pensive questions are
1. nonviolent.
2. Moving
3. ? but not italic.
4. Nothing.
Of which gender do you consider yourself a part? (Circle all that apply)
1. female
2. male
3. both
4. neither
5. don’t know
6. superior
7. wording
Do you wear top hats?
1. in the winter
2. in the summer
3. when I can’t see
4. when I am asleep
5. sunglasses are preferable
Do you work?
1. hard
2. hardly
3. not at all
4. when I can
5. not sure…
Life is:
1. neat
2. obscure
3. messed up
4. beyond me
5. beyond you
6. preferable
7. poetic
8. olé.
Of the following, which would you rather live your entire life in?
1. wherever I live now
2. a moving truck
3. Canada
4. A castle
5. a regular home
6. a tin hut
7. a mansion
8. the subway
9. Hollywood
10. An apartment in upstate NYC
11. The clouds
12. Noplace
13. someplace I designed myself

Exact time of day you finished with Section II: ________

Section III: free response.

In order to better collect UAN data, the questions/options should be improved by:

What environment did you take this test in?

Did you observe anything abnormal about yourself or your surroundings while taking this test? Be specific.

Exact time of day you finished with Section III: ________

Interesting UAN Test Results

Le Test Interesante du UAN

Et Resultos

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Commonality encourages some people, deters others, and for certain people, is of little or no consequence. This being said, if any results determined by this test are [what you might consider] ‘strange’ or ‘abnormal’ or even just ‘uncommon,’ please feel free to recycle (so to conserve the environment) your results and never speak of them to anyone. However, if you wish to proudly proclaim your results [which are, by the way, of hardly any significance whatsoever, since I do not have a PhD in psychoanalysis/dream therapy and have only marginal help from a friend who, incidentally, does not have her PhD yet either, and will probably not get it ever unless she decides to completely change her courses of action mid-life and return to college; though, nevertheless, she is very smart] feel free to do so as well. I also wish to inform you that this addendum was of no merit, and not to take it seriously, as you should not put any stock in things which firmly advise you to do anything within the range of feasible motion. However, as this addendum failed to advise you to calmly and collectedly analyze your results and peacefully take them to heart while carrying the worn piece of paper on which they are written around with you for the entirety of your life, it is, quite obviously, unadvisable to do so. Thank you.

…

General Hyper-analysis:

Those surveyed [7] test-takers were figuratively asked to step into a world where things were slightly different in appearance from what they were accustomed to, or so it was supposed. In this imaginary place, where the sky was grey and the water was blue, there was no grass; so, naturally, they were asked to create and concisely observe it. Of those surveyed, 86% [6] found the grass to be, overwhelmingly, a color, while 14% [1] found it to be overwhelmingly textured (scratchy). 29% [2] found the grass to be blue, and a different 29% felt the grass was an unhealthy color. 14% [1] found the grass to be green. The subjects were next given rough bearings. They asked, given up was north and down was up, what left was. 86% [6] found left to be a direction, each answer bearing some sense, while one subject wrote “if left is right then right is wrong,” establishing a direct and logical connection between the theoretical world and the real world. This was also concisely accomplished by the subject who found left to be sideways. From a different perspective, the 14% [1] who put “up [being left] and east is west” made the world, possibly, a single point (which could not fail, for all directions become one another in one dimension.) This was similarly accomplished by the subject who observed left to be right. 29% [2] found left to be east. After further questioning, the world imploded and they were each allowed to take one item of their choice aboard some futuristic craft to leave for a less crushing environment [before the implosion, of course]. These ‘items of choice’ were rather varied and quite interesting. They are as follows: “my fav. book,” “a pancake,” “a slightly interesting, not annoyin human being who is attractive and in a duffle bag,” “a lime (so that I don’t get scurvy),” “IPOD,” “an mp3 player,” and “magical.” The only conclusions that could possibly be drawn from this erratic data are that music is a very important part of life to 29% [2] of those surveyed, and only 29% [2] were actually concerned about their health somewhat (pancakes are known for their edibility and possibly their ability to drown out noise, bad smells, etc. when stuffed in various facial orifices); though those who would carry humans in duffle bags may be forgiven for not considering personal wellness, as they obviously do not fully understand the concept. The test takers were then theoretically rained on. 86% [6] did something about it, while 14% [1] felt happy. Theoretically, 29% [2] slept, one thought, one danced, one smiled, and one jumped into a fountain next to a building that was under construction with his best friend and then walked soaking wet to the frozen vegetables aisle of Harris Teeter. Then they were all, theoretically of course, given the choice of a variety of permanent/temporary residences. 43% [3] chose to design their own homes, 14% [1] chose to live in a mansion, 14% [1] in a castle, 14% [1] in the clouds, and 14% [1] noplace. As results may have been affected by abnormalities in the real surroundings of the test-takers, they were asked to record any external distractions or observations. The subjects recorded the following: “nope,” “everyday oddities,” “Atticus’s effeminate remarks,” “er… no…” “Not really. Mostly that I was in math class not doing math.” “Yes, there was some guy talking the whole time (what’s going on???)” and “first I was one place then I was somewhere completely different entirely.” I sincerely apologize if this test affected anyone’s GPA. All those surveyed were high school students (a 53-year-old found the test too grueling and quit at the second question, thus eliminating himself from the calculated results for consistency.) Also, one test taker ended up in Kentucky. The end.

A mentality disorder quiz… What is your problem?

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*DISCLAIMER: This test is just for fun. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any illnesses.

1. Would you rather climb a hill of maggots or swim a river of snot?

a. Climb a hill of maggots

b. Swim a river of snot

c. I’d have to try both to decide which I like better.

2. When someone else curses, you –

a. Join them.

b. Scold them… cursing is for the uneducated.

c. Try to ignore them.

d. Are already cursing because that other person was technically inside your head.

3. Are you afraid of strobe lights?

a. Yes.

b. No.

c. What?

4. Have you seen, heard, or met aliens?

a. The scientific probability is that they are not real.

b. Well, come to think of it, there might have been some paranormal activity in my backyard the other day…

c. Of course! They’re in my head.

d. Not to my knowledge.

5. Are you a boy or a girl? (Answer truthfully, this will affect your results.)

a. Boy

b. Girl

c. Both

d. Neither

e. Can’t remember

6. Do you like potatoes?

a. Yes

b. NO

c. Can’t remember

d. On Thursdays

e. I don’t like to eat

7. Speaking of days of the week, what day were you born on?

a. Monday’s child is fair of face.

b. Tuesday’s child is full of grace.

c. Wednesday’s child is full of woe.

d. Thursday’s child has far to go.

e. Friday’s child is loving and giving.

f. Saturday’s child works hard for his living.

g. Sunday’s child is bonnie and blithe and good and gay.

h. I was stillborn, like Fred.

8. Have you joined the Fredinian cult?

a. Sure, because Sarah is scary and I didn’t want to be stabbed in the eye with a sharpie.

b. Yes, I support Fred and all his virtues.

c. I hate Fred with a passion.

d. I like to decorate Fred.

9. What kind of test would you rather take?

a. Essay

b. Multiple Choice

c. Fill in the blanks

d. See who can splash the highest when they’re jumping in puddles.

10. What did you think of this test?

a. It’s technically not over yet.

b. It is wonderful, designed perfectly to trap every mental disorder.

c. It is boring.

d. I don’t care. I only took it because I was bored.

e. It was horrible, there weren’t enough choices for each question, and I often felt like scribbling ‘None of the above.’

Congratulations! You have finished the test. Put your name here in whatever writing utensil you used to take this test (identify which test taker you were), and I will return your answers to you shortly. Otherwise, thank you for contributing to my mentality disorder poll (the remain-anonymous option.)

CHECK YOUR ANSWERS BELOW... OR SEE WHAT OTHER TEST-TAKERS RESULTS LOOK LIKE BELOW THAT!

ANSWER KEY - Mentality Disorder Quiz

a. delusional

b. overly innovative

c. indecisive

a. potty mouth

b. passive-aggressive

d. multiple-personality disorder

c. chronic poor hearing without medical rationale

a. delusions of superiority

b. dementia

c. schizophrenia

c. gender confusion

d. neuter-ality

e. amnesia

a. noodle virus

c. amnesia

d. obsessive-compulsive disorder

e. anorexia

h. living-dead syndrome

a. chronic fear of sharpies

c. hatred virus

d. attention deficit disorder (also known as the non-sequitur disease)

a. work-too-hard disease

b. imitation-of-slow-tree-climbing-mammals disease

d. puddle disease (recently found to be harmless, but sometimes obnoxious in social situations)

a. obsessive-compulsive disorder

b. people-pleasing disease

c. boredom disease

d. boredom disease

e. normality

Results submitted by previous quiz-takers

Your personal results for the mentality disorder quiz: IT

You suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder and chronic poor hearing without medical rationale. You also have the coolness syndrome.