Surveys That Sprout From Out The Underground Atypical Network

Survey 7 – Section I, Short Answer

Name (include middle and last initial):

Please put a star by your name if you wish for your results to be anonymous. Know that they will probably be anonymous anyway.

1. What's your favorite drink?

2. Are you bothered very much by spiders?

3. If you were given the choice of carrying a bottle of mystery fluid around all day in the hot sun or just an empty bottle, which would you choose to carry?

4. What if you could not open it?

5. Is it possible to be nocturnal for, say, a week?

6. Would you ever consider selling lentil soup for a living?

7. Do you have a dog?

Thank you for participating and have a pleasant day!                ©Zara Bee, The UAN

Survey 7, Section II – Multiple Choice: SVP, select one of the options provided.

name (include middle and  last initial):

Include a star after your name if you wish to remain anonymous. Only initials will be used in the results.

1. Of the following, what is your favorite type of weather?
   1. Rain
   2. Sunshine
   3. Some intricate combination of the two
   4. Snow
   5. Overcast days
   6. As little weather as possible
2. When you encounter someone you severely dislike, you:
   1. Shove them off the nearest high building.
   2. Daydream of shoving them off the nearest high building.
   3. Smile and talk to them in a high falsetto.
   4. Shake your fist at them and curse them in your own personal gibberish.
   5. Start a vicious, spit-flinging argument.
   6. Ignore them.
3. When people start randomly whispering in your ear (rather than conversing in the normal tones they are obviously capable of), you:
   1. Ask them in your loudest possible voice why they are whispering.
   2. Listen to what they have to say.
   3. Roll your eyes and then listen to what they have to say.
   4. Set up a filter so that their hot breath doesn’t scorch your ear.
4. Do you tolerate people for who they are?
   1. Sure
   2. Or perhaps what they want to be
   3. If I feel like it
5. Everyone has up sides and down sides. Of the following (much oversimplified) personalities, which type of person would you rather to be around? (If you have a close second choice, you can circle more than one.)
   1. Smart, but violent.
   2. Pretty, but self-centered.
   3. Encouraging, but smelly.
   4. Interesting, but ostracized.
   5. Rich, but dumb.
   6. Talented, but overly critical.
   7. Funny, but hideous.
   8. Generous, but very noisy.
   9. Perfect, but imaginary.
   10. A lot like you.
6. Do you consider yourself to have abnormal problems?
   1. No
   2. Perhaps?
   3. Problems are abnormal.
   4. Irregular but not irrational
   5. Irrational

BONUS: If you have dirty feet, you:

a.       Wash them.

b.       Put shoes on.

c.       Had shoes on in the first place.

d.       Wipe them on your neighbor.

e.       Start singing about daffodil-tinted sub-oceanic vehicles that are inhabited by all and sundry, in hopes that some rain will fall.

f.        It is doubtful that I actively consume these probably illegal substances.

Thank you and have a wonderful life.                                                                          ©SB, of the UAN

Bonus – Survey 7

Your name (include middle and last initial):

Include a star after your name if you wish to remain anonymous. Only initials will be used in the results.

Section: III – Multiple Choice/Open-Ended Psychoanalysis

These questions may refer to, for example, classic literature. You do not need to know the references that these questions come from, because all the necessary information has been provided. Please answer based on your first impulse. Answers need not be logical.

1. Some random person is sitting at their desk at 4:12 am on Saturday, writing up odd quirks as questions for surveys and laughing uncontrollably when a question turns out decent because she can’t sleep and is really lacking in coherency. Suddenly and fleetingly, a shadow crosses her vision. What was it?
   1. A strand of hair
   2. A centipede scurrying in front of the lamp she is using
   3. A fly flitting in front of the lamp she is using
   4. Her imagination
   5. Air pollution
   6. Maybe there is a stray animal or person in the house that shouldn’t be there
   7. Either foreshadowing of an alien invasion or of a brutal ghost-mauling of all people with insomnia
   8. Sunspots
   9. Her eyelid
2. Salinger’s bananafish are ordinary fish until they enter banana holes, or little underwater caves filled with bananas. Then, they become severely gluttonous and eat as many as seventy-eight bananas. Once they are done, however, they are so fat that they cannot get back out of the banana holes! So then they get banana fever and die. (If this sounds at all familiar, please proceed to the next question, as some vital information in this story is omitted which would alter your potential answer.) A grown man and a little girl of no relation to him go swimming at the beach. He tells her of the bananafish when they are out in the deep water where she cannot stand. Suddenly, she spies one with six bananas in its mouth. He kisses her feet, says it is time to go in, and they return to their respective hotels. He looks at his wife, who has spent all day painting her nails and plucking her mole, and takes a gun from the bottom of his suitcase, and shoots himself. Why?

3. If you were asked to leave the planet and could only take one person with you, write the relationship to you (not the name) of the person you would take with you (i.e. (my) mom, best friend, plumber, psychotic neighbor, pet dingo).

Thank you, and have a life full of lovely-fresh orange fragrance.                     ©Zara, UAN

GET TO KNOW YOUR FRIENDS BETTER! 

From the House of Rob.

Number of People Surveyed: 6

Victim 1: Megan L.K.

Favorite Drink: chocolate silk soymilk

Bothered by spiders: no, as long as they don't touch me (good for photos)

Mystery fluid or an empty bottle: mystery fluid!

Sealed mystery fluid or an empty bottle: meh - get someone else to

Opinion on temporary nocturnalism: obviously. Especially if you're a racoon.

Opinion on the sale of lentil soup as a lifestyle: can I sell other things too?

Dog ownership: cats are better

Favorite Weather: sunshine

Reaction to persons who are potential irritants/allergens: Daydream of shoving them off the nearest high building

Reaction to sudden secrecy: Listen to what they have to say.

Tolerance for personal personalities: If I feel like it

Love for imperfect persons extends to those who are:

• Encouraging, but smelly.
• Interesting, but ostracized.
• Funny, but hideous.
• Generous, but very noisy.
• A lot like me.

Tendency towards abberant issues: No

Reaction to the soiling of personal commuting devices: wash them (eventually)

Additional comments: You're welcome!

Victim 2: C. Britt I.

Favorite Drink: cool whip

Bothered by spiders: only if they are larger than a kiwi and in close proximity to me (face especially)

Mystery fluid or an empty bottle: the bottle of mystery fluid

Sealed mystery fluid or an empty bottle: then I would carry around a bottle opener

Opinion on temporary nocturnalism: I am completely nocturnal all the time.

Opinion on the sale of lentil soup as a lifestyle: ... what color is the soup? probably no

Dog ownership: not a day goes by that I am reminded of the ...yes

Favorite Weather: Snow

Reaction to persons who are potential irritants/allergens: shove them off the nearest high building

Reaction to sudden secrecy: set up a filter so that their hot breath doesn't scorch my ear

Tolerance for personal personalities: If I feel like it

Love for imperfect persons extends to those who are:

• Smart, but violent.
• Interesting, but ostracized.
• Perfect, but imaginary.

Tendency towards abberant issues: AAABBOOOUUGHHHRRRRAAAHHH!!!

Reaction to the soiling of personal commuting devices: It is doubtful that I actively consume these probably illegal substances

Additional comments:

Victim 3: A. Q.

Persons surveyed: 7

Initials: DM

1. Of the following, what is your favorite type of weather? = 

Some intricate combination of the two

2. When you encounter someone you severely dislike, you: = Shove them off the nearest high building.

3. When people start randomly whispering in your ear (rather than conversing in the normal tones they are obviously capable of), you:

= Ask them in your loudest possible voice why they are whispering.

4. Do you tolerate people for who they are? = If I feel like it

5. Everyone has up sides and down sides. Of the following (much oversimplified) personalities, which type of person would you rather to be around?

(If you have a close second choice, you can circle more than one.) = Smart, but violent.

6. Do you consider yourself to have abnormal problems? = No

BONUS: If you have dirty feet, you: = Wipe them on your neighbor.

Initials: JAS

1. Of the following, what is your favorite type of weather? = 

Overcast days

2. When you encounter someone you severely dislike, you: = Ignore them.

3. When people start randomly whispering in your ear (rather than conversing in the normal tones they are obviously capable of), you:

= Roll your eyes and then listen to what they have to say.

4. Do you tolerate people for who they are? = If I feel like it

5. Everyone has up sides and down sides. Of the following (much oversimplified) personalities, which type of person would you rather to be around?

(If you have a close second choice, you can circle more than one.) = Interesting, but ostracized.

6. Do you consider yourself to have abnormal problems? = 

Irregular but not irrational

BONUS: If you have dirty feet, you: = Wash them.

Initials: TG

1. Of the following, what is your favorite type of weather? = 

Some intricate combination of the two

2. When you encounter someone you severely dislike, you: = Ignore them.

3. When people start randomly whispering in your ear (rather than conversing in the normal tones they are obviously capable of), you:

= Set up a filter so that their hot breath doesn’t scorch your ear.

4. Do you tolerate people for who they are? = Sure

5. Everyone has up sides and down sides. Of the following (much oversimplified) personalities, which type of person would you rather to be around?

(If you have a close second choice, you can circle more than one.) = Generous, but very noisy.

6. Do you consider yourself to have abnormal problems? = No

BONUS: If you have dirty feet, you: = Wash them.

Initials: JP

1. Of the following, what is your favorite type of weather? = Sunshine

2. When you encounter someone you severely dislike, you: = Ignore them.

3. When people start randomly whispering in your ear (rather than conversing in the normal tones they are obviously capable of), you:

= Ask them in your loudest possible voice why they are whispering.

4. Do you tolerate people for who they are? = If I feel like it

5. Everyone has up sides and down sides. Of the following (much oversimplified) personalities, which type of person would you rather to be around?

(If you have a close second choice, you can circle more than one.) = A lot like you.

6. Do you consider yourself to have abnormal problems? = Perhaps?

BONUS: If you have dirty feet, you: = Had shoes on in the first place.

Initials: MP

1. Of the following, what is your favorite type of weather? = As little weather as possible

2. When you encounter someone you severely dislike, you: = Ignore them.

3. When people start randomly whispering in your ear (rather than conversing in the normal tones they are obviously capable of), you:

= Roll your eyes and then listen to what they have to say.

4. Do you tolerate people for who they are? = Sure

5. Everyone has up sides and down sides. Of the following (much oversimplified) personalities, which type of person would you rather to be around?

(If you have a close second choice, you can circle more than one.) = Smart, but violent, Interesting, but ostracized, A lot like you.

6. Do you consider yourself to have abnormal problems? = No

BONUS: If you have dirty feet, you: = Had shoes on in the first place.

Initials: TRK

1. Of the following, what is your favorite type of weather? = 

Overcast days

2. When you encounter someone you severely dislike, you: = Ignore them.

3. When people start randomly whispering in your ear (rather than conversing in the normal tones they are obviously capable of), you:

= Listen to what they have to say.

4. Do you tolerate people for who they are? = Sure

5. Everyone has up sides and down sides. Of the following (much oversimplified) personalities, which type of person would you rather to be around?

(If you have a close second choice, you can circle more than one.) = Rich, but dumb, Generous, but very noisy.

6. Do you consider yourself to have abnormal problems? = No

Initials: NML

1. Of the following, what is your favorite type of weather? = Sunshine

2. When you encounter someone you severely dislike, you: = Ignore them.

3. When people start randomly whispering in your ear (rather than conversing in the normal tones they are obviously capable of), you:

= Ask them in your loudest possible voice why they are whispering.

4. Do you tolerate people for who they are? = If I feel like it

5. Everyone has up sides and down sides. Of the following (much oversimplified) personalities, which type of person would you rather to be around?

(If you have a close second choice, you can circle more than one.) = Pretty, but self-centered; Funny, but hideous; A lot like you.

6. Do you consider yourself to have abnormal problems? = No

BONUS: If you have dirty feet, you: = Wash them.